Just thoughts.

All I want

Is today to be the day.
Fuck just, anything..
I’m so sick I’m so drained
I’m so worried I can’t fucking lose this girl. Sure she’s completely mental but fuck, so am I. That’s how we’ve lasted so long.
I better not fuck up that fucking date it’s my last stupid fucking chance to redeem my pathetic ass, I’ll be so nervous she’s gonna see right through me I cant fool her into anything ever she knows me too well.
I’m so scared.. I just want to impress her and shit and I wanna kiss her. Idfk.
I hope she says SOMETHING today cause this shit is so draining. Fuck.
And then dad lately, he’s fucking lost his mind completely.. I can’t even get started on that man. Shit.
She’s all I have left that’s not complete shit that’s why I’m so fucking scared I mean fuck. Just god please let today be the day she says she loves me or that she cares about me and doesn’t hate me.

What I would give

To be with you right now, just holding you..Doing That weird sideways laying down hug thing we do where we hold eachother as close as possible.
I want that, I want to feel your soft skin against me and smell your calming scent and hear your voice I want to kiss you I want to makeout with you, we kiss in sync its incredible I forget to breath. I love kissing you, it’s intoxicating. I miss being held by you I just miss you so much and I can’t even finish this because I’m starting to cry and I can’t handle this..
Fuck. Just love me back.

Fuck dude

I wish she’d just talk to me, like it wouldnt kill her.
And it also wouldn’t kill her to be slightly nice. The balls it took to send that good morning text ugh.

K

Idk wtf to wear..

I think I’ll get her flowers and her favorite candy..
Maybe I should start working on that gift soon, but I don’t want I waste my time cause it’s quite time consuming.
But maybe if I do she’ll let me kiss her.
Fuck I’m scared of this shit idk how im actually gonna react when I see her.
Probably cry, or hug her a ton.
Idk fuck I wish I had some answers so I can determine what the fuck to do.
It’s like none of the preparation shit matters because once I see her the chemicals will kick in and then god only knows.